


The Sense

by LadyoftheShield



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Angst, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 03:59:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2373665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheShield/pseuds/LadyoftheShield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ax muses on the nature of his friendship with Tobias. Set during Megamorphs #2. Spoilers up to and during Megamorphs 2, in particular books number #8, #13, and #18.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sense

**Author's Note:**

> Ax is the only character that is emotionally detached throughout Megamorphs 2. He sounds more as if he is a casual observer, and is not invested in the outcome at all. This aims to explore why.

The first few hours in this savage time, so soon after Tobias and Rachel had been lost, the situation remained so desperate there was no time to think of anything save survival. Our encounter at the river, the blind, terror-filled flight through the trees. Our existence was nothing but running.

But now, we had reached a moment where we could rest. With Tobias gone and the others in their weak human bodies, I chose to take watch. With nothing to occupy my mind but the vigil, all the emotions I had pushed away during the long day battered steadily against my brain.

Rachel. Brave, reckless, fierce Rachel.

Dead.

And Tobias. Quiet. Gentle. Dependable. My friend. My  _shorm._

Dead.

In the snap of a tailblade, we had lost a third of our group. Through our own folly, the attack took us utterly by surprise. No warning. Nothing. And I could only watch as they were devoured.

_You should not have left them._

_Prince Jake ordered! And what could I do against such a beast? Visser Three himself would be proud to morph it!_

_You left your_ shorm _to die._

_I… I did not desire to._

_But you did._

_I had my orders. If we had given aid, we would have been devoured ourselves._

_If the situation were reversed, Tobias would not have hesitated. He has never hesitated to risk his life for you._

I pawed at the ground with my hoof, looking for what humans call the bright side. Earth was a tough neighborhood and Tobias lived bereft of civilization’s protection. If anyone could survive the stomach of a beast that looked at home in the Visser’s morph collection, Tobias could.

But there was the small problem of being devoured by a beast at home in Visser Three’s morph collection. And Earth’s neighborhood had now become much, much tougher than even Tobias had been able to handle.

Even with these dark thoughts swirling in my head, I very nearly asked Tobias if he had seen anything of interest before I remembered.

I swiveled my head to the left, keeping one stalk eye focused on my friends while the other scanned to my right. I could see the others by the fire, talking, laughing.

They did not fool me. Marco’s voice was tight, his jokes coming out brittle. Cassie had stopped crying, but the tear trails still glistened on her cheeks. And I could see the tension in Prince Jake’s shoulders, the gaunt look in his eyes. They were not fine. They were hurting as much as I was. But the fire had gladdened their hearts, and for a moment their pain had eased.

A distant roar sounded and I quickly turned my right stalk eye towards the echo. It was impossible to pinpoint the direction of origin, or its destination.

If Tobias were here, he would have done a quick recon to ascertain the location and threat level of the creature. Without his eyes, I could not even be certain it was heading this way. Focusing on it may sap my entire attention, preventing me from noticing another, greater danger. But neither could I dismiss it as a threat. I could only stay on the alert, and hope that nothing attacked us while we were so vulnerable.

Something moved on the other side of the clearing and I trained my left stalk eye on it, raising my tail.

No, not movement. Flashes of light in the distance. Artificial light. Definitely some kind of weaponry, but not Yeerk Dracon beams. They were too far into the blue spectrum.

Perhaps there was some form of advanced dinosaurs with technology in additional to great physical strength and stature? If so, would they be just as brutal as the unintelligent ones?

The situation kept worsening. I was under no delusions of grandeur. I knew I had gotten lucky with the T-Rex. It was a victory born of chance and sheer desperation. But I would not be fortunate a second time. If another foe attacked, I could not defeat it in straight combat. All I could do was perhaps slow it down and give Prince Jake and the others time to escape.

Tobias would think it a terrible plan. I was forced to agree.

But Tobias was not here to protest. And he would never be here again.

I spent the long, agonizing Earth month I had under the surface of Earth’s oceans alone. But the moment I stepped onto Earth’s soil, I met Tobias. His friendship eased the loneliness of being the only free Andalite for thousands of light-years, and even if by some miracle I returned, I would return only to dishonor.

Tobias, too, could no longer be with his people. Though human emotionally and mentally, Tobias also possessed the body and instincts of a hawk, and over time, the instincts of the hawk bled more and more into his human mind until he hunted like any other bird of prey.  The “freaks of nature,” Marco sometimes called us, and his assessment was truthful.

However, our mutual isolation also kindled our friendship. As an Andalite, I could not walk down the streets in broad daylight, nor could I simply move in with any of the others. Even if I could, I preferred to remain in my natural form, and the only place I could do that was in the woods, where I could avoid detection from humans and Yeerks alike. Tobias lived there, too. Unable to wear artificial skin, make mouth sounds, or even interact with any humans except the Animorphs, Tobias was isolated in ways I could never understand. Because the other Animorphs had lives to live, my only constant companionship came from Tobias, and his from me. Because of this closeness, we knew each other better than any of the others. Trusted and believed in each other. The humans have no word for this close bond Tobias and I share. In my language, we are called  _shorm._

I owe him much. He accepted me without question, kept my secrets from the others, then broke his troth because he valued my life more than he valued what the others- or what I- thought of him. Even during the disastrous  _Ascalin_  incident, he maintained that I was ‘one of the team.’ He defended me to the others when I truly did not deserve it. When I hurt him just as deeply.

Without Tobias, the woods would become too quiet too fast.

No more races, or games of hide-and-seek.

No more talks about our cultures, no learning from each other.

No more impromptu trips to the bookstore, with Tobias sending me instructions on how to act like a human. Recently, he had begun accompanying me, which made the trip more interesting. He showed me some of his favorite books from when he was human and together we chose what to buy with our limited resources. And at night, we would alternate reading from whatever book we had chosen.

It would have been Tobias’ turn to read from  _The Tempest_  when we got back to our time.

Another wave of loneliness quivered through my hearts. When I posed as a human, Tobias rarely left my side. I felt… safer… when I was with him in human morph. Even if we were both virtually defenseless in those weak morphs, I still felt better knowing that he would catch me if I tripped.

The absence Tobias had left… was far larger than I anticipated. I had expected casualties in this war. Even when Tobias had been unable to morph, there was no guarantee that a stray Dracon beam wouldn’t catch him during combat. As my  _shorm,_ I had known that I would miss him terribly if he were to die.

But, by  _yaolin,_  I didn’t expect it to feel like my hearts were being shredded, as if part of me died with him. I hadn’t expected just to stand by and do nothing as he-

_< Tobias.>_

“Ax-man, you want to grind a hoof into a piece of this? Or maybe you could morph to human and eat it?”

Momentary panic sped my hearts. Become human? In this savage world? Without Tobias to watch our bellies?

<No, thanks. I’ve grazed very well.>

But the completely honest answer was that I felt no hunger.

I felt nothing. 


End file.
